The thought receptacle

Stephen's mental dustbin

Mon, 07 Mar 2011

Joni Mitchell -- a rebuttal

Sitting in a park in Paris, France

There's no need for the provincial qualifier. You're in Europe now, Joni---you know, where the history comes from. This is the real Paris, not one of those North American knock-offs.

Reading the news and it sure looks bad
They won't give peace a chance
That was just a dream some of us had

Well done, Joni, for being one of that exclusive and enlightened club who had the brilliant idea of peace. It's a shame not everyone is so clever.

Still a lot of lands to see
But I wouldn't want to stay here
It's too old and cold and settled in its ways here
Oh, but California
California I'm coming home
I'm going to see the folks I dig
I'll even kiss a Sunset pig
California I'm coming home

Don't try to pretend you're not Canadian. Just because it's the Sixties and you want to pretend to be a hippy doesn't mean you can claim citizenship. Oh, wait---it's the Seventies, so you're a bit of a latecomer to that scene anyway.

I met a redneck on a Grecian isle
Who did the goat dance very well
He gave me back my smile
But he kept my camera to sell
Oh the rogue, the red red rogue
He cooked good omelettes and stews
And I might have stayed on with him there

Don't count on it. If you'd stayed on with him he might have robbed off with your “silver” that you're always putting on... oh wait, that's another song. Anyway, he might just have booted you out for being annoying. Going on about California all the time probably doesn't help your case.

But my heart cried out for you, California
Oh California I'm coming home
Oh make me feel good rock'n roll band
I'm your biggest fan
California, I'm coming home


Oh it gets so lonely
When you're walking
And the streets are full of strangers

That's what happens when you travel, Joni. I thought you liked that? Perhaps it's just the social connotations of travel that you like---the experience seems less your thing.

All the news of home you read
Just gives you the blues
Just gives you the blues

That's one good reason to stay in Europe, where people aren't so terrified of Communists.

So I bought me a ticket
I caught a plane to Spain
Went to a party down a red dirt road
There were lots of pretty people there
Reading Rolling Stone, reading Vogue
They said, “How long can you hang around?”
I said “a week, maybe two
Just until my skin turns brown
Then I'm going home to California”

You're such a jet-setter, Joni. Well done for blending in with those pretty young people. I bet only a few of them spied you for a faker. That was some deep reading material they had---clearly enough to impress a skin tourist such as you. You know, it's sunny in California. In fact, California's climate is a bit like Spain's. It's not like Canada. You have been to California, haven't you?

California I'm coming home
Oh will you take me as I am
Strung out on another man
California I'm coming home

Another man, you say? I'm not sure who the first man is. Perhaps the redneck who likes goats? Or perhaps you just slipped the “other man” in there... it would hardly match your style not to have someone to be “strung out” on.


Oh it gets so lonely
When you're walking
And the streets are full of strangers
All the news of home you read
More about the war
And the bloody changes
Oh will you take me as I am?
Will you take me as I am?
Will you?

Thanks, but no thanks.

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